Code of Conduct
Enacted December 16, 1998
Amended continuously for a better tomorrow
All-Complete and Forever Valid Gigsville Code of Conduct and Decoder
for New Years Eve 1998 and Beyond.
rules will be posted and available for reference at all tribunals
monobunals and dibunals. These rules may only be amended by anyone
Nobody. Amendement without beer is ill advised.
to adhere to the rules is a clear indication of something. Ask
someone or Nobody and they'll tell you. Or maybe they won't.
NO OCELOTS. I don't frankly care if you have a permit. If I see
goddamn Ocelot we're gonna have some serious friction. Friction
to fire and well you know the rest: flaming ocelots and Nobody wants
FRENCH KISSING BY FRENCH PERMIT ONLY: Look, what you do in your
home is your own business but the French are an entire nation and
have a national culture and identity to uphold. I don't think it's
right that merely for the sake (not sake~) of convenience you would
jump right in and declare your kissing "French" without
it with those poeple. Let's have respect for the once great empire!
If you have a current permit to practice from the French, well then
suppose it's OK.
NO ACETALENE IN THE INFLATABLE POOL: Except for Attila because he
a professional at singed pubes. But only Attila.
TAXES IN GIGSVILLE: I'm sure we all want to get our return checks
the government very quickly but I think a lot of people hunched
filling out forms is really going to detract from the festive mood.
I'm gonna be arbitrary here and declare Gigsville a Tax Free Zone.
The GTFZ will extend to wherever I decide so don't let me catch
you filling out tax forms or I'll just extend the zone and get you
SUPERVISION OF UNDERWEAR TRADE: All underwear which will be
exchanged (donations are a separate issue) must be supervised and
sanctioned by Eve (Eval/Evil/Evel) who will be granted the title
of Under-Trade". Her long experience in such matters will make
whole process much simpler for everyone. Her knowledge of explosives
will make the whole thing a lot more serious. Frivolous underwear
poisons the very roots of enjoyment at all of our gatherings.
PRESERVATION OF ENDANGERED SPECIES: As a roughly ecologically minded
organism, Gigsville is acutely aware of the dwindling global diversity
of non-consumer stuff and want's to keep some other (natural) stuff
So we cherish and preserve in it's natural habitat the South Western
American Tequila Fish (tequilius fishicum).
ENVIROMENTAL FRIENDSHIPS: As an enviromentally friendly group,
Gigsville, and all Villans in general will not disrupt, invade,
or in any way destroy the natural habitat of the few remaining
"BuckTooth Jackasses". Villans, on the other hand, will
with our friend the pig, henceforth named "Torch", R.I.P.
LEAVE ONLY SCORTCH, SCOTCH AND GLITTER MARKS: Otherwise Leave No
Trace. Acceptable traces to leave at Gigsville gatherings are limited
to those cause by frivolous use of The Goddamn Scotch (TGS), Big
Fire (BAF) and gratiuitous application of body glitter. For purposes
of Gigsville, vehicle Skids will be considered Scortch marks.
NO SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION: I know, I know - it's going to
damned cold out there at times, and you're gonna find yourself saying
"Jeez - life would be a lot warmer if I just spontaneously
-Plus think of the performance art aspect of it!" Such thoughts
selfish, selfish indeed. Your charred remains would have to be *carried
out* by people at the end of it all.
NO GLOCKENSPIELS: Enough of it already. Studies have shown that
repeat-exposure to glockenspiels cause anxiety, stress and isolated
cases of bed-wetting. Bring something a bit more harmonious - like
cannons used at the end of the 1812 Overture or something - bring
something melodic, restful and stress-free
NO CHANNELING OF THE SPIRITs OF ELVIS, LORNE GREENE or ERKEL: Need
I say more?
ALL FROG-LEGS MUST BE CONSUMED WITH CHOCOLATE COVERED ESPRESSO BEANS:
Whereas the committee has henceforth approved Giant Frog Legs (GFL)
part of this nutritious breakfast, it will be required that all
Gigsvillians must partake in at least 1 medium-sized Chocolate-covered
Espresso Bean (CCEB) when consumed prior to 2pm, and after 4pm,
Standard Time. This initiates the hours of 2-4pm as the sole hours
which Frog-Espresso relations can be asynchronous. This must be
as a ceremonial act comemorating the "Two Hours War" in
Colombian Tree Frog population managed to devour the entire Colombian
coffee harvest in May, 1951.
NO CASUALTIES: No one in Gigsville is allowed to sustain serious
injury or death, especially death. It's really inconsiderate to
a party, particularly a large one and a suicide note or other explanation
is not sufficient. How many times have you been called upon to explain
the deceased body of a friend of family member to the Authories?
really puts a damp blanket on the whole shindig.
NO CASUAL TIES: No one is permitted to wear casual ties in
Gigsville, formal ties only as judged sufficiently formal by
Weasel E Boy, Esq. Attorney of Gigsville, Ultimate Arbiter of all
that is Weasley. It's really inconsiderate to wear informal ties
a boisterous party. How many times have you been around some
jerk that just couldn't be bothered to dress up because they were
cool. It really puts a damp blanket on the whole shindig.
CHEESE: Cheese may be easy, hard, fromunda, sharp, soft, chunky,
sliced or in little wax covered pucks. If cheese arrives in a form
other than one of the above mentioned, it must be brought before
mayor who will immediately appoint a 3 member cheese council to
determine if it can qualify as cheese for the purposes of Gigsville
if it must be considered some "other" substance with regard
Gigsville Code of Conduct (The Rules).
NO ENGINEERING WITHOUT BEER: Barstool Engineering does not
endorse any brainstorming, calculation, design work, engineering,
fabrication, welding, or machining for any project or device; also
including the testing, troubleshooting, and regular operation of
such project or device, without prior and continuing application
of generous amounts of alcohol to all person(s) performing the
above referent tasks. Barstool Engineering will not be held
responsible for any success or perfection inadvertently and/or
mistakenly achieved through such behavior. Any person(s) observed
engaged in such behavior will be restrained and brought
before our own Weasel E. Boy for sentencing, which may include,
but is not limited to, tequila fish therapy and/or re-habilitation.
VEHICLE CODE: All motorized vehicles, in working order or not,
when employed in 'proper' operation will conform to the community
standard: Classes of operation will be given if necessary but
if you need classes I doubt that Gigsville is a good place to learn.
Modes of vehicle conduct are listed below:
ASM: Application of Skid Marks - Doughnuts on Barzilla.
DSCS: Driving Stone Cold Sober - Primarily limited to entering
and leaving the desert.
DUI: Driving Under the Influence - This can include substances,
demons, peer pressure or high pressure.
DWI: Driving While Intoxicated - This practice is not recommended
and it is best to leave the vehicle driverless when intoxicated
and dance on the roof. The vehicle can probably drive better
without your interference. (see: Surfing)
SOV: Serving Other Vehicles - Proper operation of Barzilla.
CONSUMPTION: You mayn't eat a vegetarian at the barbecue
unless you make friends with them first. We may Barbecue over regular
Coal instead of Char-coal. You must ask first.
RESOLUTION OF DISPUTES: In such time as disputes may arise
between villains, because of villains or in the presence of villainy.
Being a civilized lot, Gigsville has sanctioned methods for resolving
disputes to as to adhere to Rule 11) NO CASUALTIES.
METHOD A) PIG PULLING: Make a small fire in the middle of the room
and divide your guests equally on either side of the fire,
tug-o'war-style. The lead-off (the person closest to the fire) on
each side holds one end of a large, solid wad of pig fat above the
fire, while those behind each lead-off grab each other around the
waist to form a human chain. (I suggest having the largest/strongest
person on each side be the "anchor," while he/she most
flame/pain should be the lead-off.) Each side pulls as hard as they
can on the melting pig fat, again tug-o'-war-style. The winning
is that side which retains the most pig fat when the wad eventually
breaks. (Disputes over which side truly has the most pig fat can
settled using a simple kitchen scale.) This game is not only festive
(obviously), but can also help alleviate seasonal stress and even
settle common holiday disputes.
METHOD B) RULE OF THUMB: Procedure for thumb wrestling follows:
1. Disputants visit the Tequila Fish aquarium and receive
the blessing of the Tequila Fish.
2. Arbitrators from the legal committee apply beer as necessary.
3. Loud music. Of course loud music!
4. And flashing lights. That's pretty snappy.
5. More fish blessing.
6. Clasp hands and thumb wrestle.
- repeat -
METHOD C) ADR: Given the skyrocketing costs of courtroom trials
these days, Gigsville encourages dispute resolution the old-fashioned
way: trial-by-combat! If there is a disagreement that cannot be
resolved amicably, the interested parties are to:
1) Strip to the waist;
2) Slather themselves in baby oil;
3) Wrassle! (Greco-Roman style); and
4) Best 9-out-of-17 wins.
070) CARE AND FEEDING OF THE ELF: ELF must be "beered"
if she is
within 200 feet of technical discussion. It is the responsibility
of the Bar Stool Engineers to maintain a supply of suds for this
purpose and to be appropriately cautious when using Jargon in
the vicinity of the ELF. Field tests have proven
it is very dangerous to give ELF any other alcohol besides beer
and quetilla. Before feeding the ELF check in with one of the
following Certified ELF Care Consultants for authorization of the
particular substance you wish to feed the ELF - XTC, Daphne, Sylvia
or Girlie - please note that Howard is NOT an authorized agent.
OBSERVE THE 3-P's: NO Parking, Puking or Pork on the Klingon
Battle Cruiser or the Dance Floor. Park nearby and maintain a minimum
safe distance to your tent and the torpedo tubes lest the Big Red
Monster eat you. Puke only away from the dance floor and dilithium
crystal chamber. Murder of our friend the pig should
be away from the dance floor or in the transporter room. Baloney
sandwiches are exempt in all cases.
RECORDING BY NONPARTICIPANTS FORBIDDEN: Recording, by means
of recording device of any sort whether for still images, audio,
video, psionic lattice, laser crystal-holography, hybrid reality
medium or cheese sculpture is explicitly and strictly forbidden
dag-gumm-it we're darn strict!
CONVERSION PROCEDURE FOR PARTICIPATION: Nonparticipants can be
quickly and easily converted to participants by application of a
suitable beverage and one of the 3 following procedures: (note:
application of the beverage can follow or preceed the procedure
the situation warrants)
1. sing 2. dance 3. drop your (their) pants
These procedures are open to interpretation and can be substituted
with more suitable procedures as necessary.
PROBLEMS WILL BE ASSUMED: Because when we assume we make an Ass
out of U and Me and this sounds suspiciously like Jackassery. Also,
if we're not Assuming then were on earth are we gonna get all the
asses for the Big Ass Fire (BAF)
MANDITORY JACKASSERY: Odd, lewd, illdefined, obscure, obtrusive,
abnormal, hilarious, riot-inciting and 'other' behaviour which is
in conjunction with the Gigsville Vehicular Code (GVC) or Big Ass
(BAF) is a village and villain requirement. This means you are
required. You're not required to do anything, be anything or put
with anything but your presence is required.
BIG ASS FIRE REQUIREMENT: If you need an explanation visit the
Tequila Fish Bowl and seek therapy.
VILLAIN QUOTIENT: If you attend....
3 events: you are hardcore! Entitles you to whatever pornography
you want and pretty much anything else you want.
2 events: meant to attend all three, but got (1) lost; (2) drunk;
or (3) lucky. Entitles you to get what you deserve.
1 events: what? you have a life? Entitles you too.
0 events: You obviously don't live within a thousand miles, just
get (a)lost, (b)drunk or (c)lucky at least 3 times while
thinking of Weaselboy, XT, Matt or some other suitable
Villain (not necessarily listed in order of importance.)
Entitles you to move closer.
MILITARY MANUVERS: There is currently an airstrike in
progress now. There has been return fire from over the city.
That was 3 minutes ago.
OS WARS: O.S. wars must be conducted using semaphors or
hexadecimal representations of the highbit ASCII codebase common
CULINARY APPLICATION OF BAF: Big Assed Fires may be used in the
sustanance of the community.
BBQa.) In accordance with the Gigsville livestock consumption
policy, all meats to be eaten must first be befriended
by all members of the Gigsville community.
BBQb.) Similarly, in accordance with the Gigsville livestock
consumption policy, all friends of the Gigsville community
must be eaten.
BBQc.) All head must be evenly distributed.
ALL NAKED FLESH PILES ARE COMPULSORY: Naked fleshpiles are
a necessity when compelled or compulsed.
CROSSING OF BOUNDARIES IS COMPULSORY: Cross boundaries as
your are compelled or compulsed to. If recompulsed by the crossee
consider the boundary uncompulsory. Failure to respect recompulsed
will result in discipline by cheese. XTC is the Gigsville
Designated Boundary Crosser (DBC).
CROSSING OF DRESSES IS COMPULSORY: Cross dresses as necessary
and when compelled or compulsed to do so. Shower Curtains are
considered dresses for the purposes of Gigsville. Compulse shower
curtains as often as deemed wise. When in doubt consult Weasel E
Esq. Attorney of Gigsville, Ultimate Arbiter of all that is Weasley.
TOURETTE SYNDROM: COCKSUCKER!
sha boom! sha bam! son of a bitch, goddamn!
fuck 'em! fight 'em! dynamite 'em!
yeah shit! rat shit! bat shit! suck a witch's tit!
cocksucker! motherfucker! eat a bag of shit!
we're the only gigsville! all the others suck!
gigsville! gigsville! yeah rah fuck!
NOBODY HAS TOURETTE SYNDROME: Nobody but Nobody has Tourette
Syndrome. But everybody is required to pretend they have it.
Nobody will give free classes to all comers, and vice versa.
WARNING BEFORE DISASTER: When applying thermite, propane,
VW Engine Blocks, fireworks, gasoline and other incidiary devices
to the BAF, warning must be issued to surrounding participants
*before* escaping to a safe distance.
GLITTER PRIORITY: Everybody MUST have glitter on at all times.
Nobody is exempt.
BODY PAINT: Body paint is not optional. Body paint is included
without additional charge as a standard feature of late model villains.
PLURALIZATION WITHOUT PLURAL FORM: All ambiguous pluralizations
must end in "podae", which is the greek word for "feet".
someone is confused about the plural for "chassis", the
becomes "chassopodae".) If anyone has a problem with the
pluralizations, they are to say "But they don't have feet",
the appropriate response is an ominously said "THEY DO NOW."
THE ARBITRARY RULE: As in Calvin Ball, all rules must be
adhered to, however those of creative wit, spirit and will may fabricate
new and improved rules to suit their immediate needs as necessary.
new rules shall remain in effect forever and become a permanent
of the official Gigsville Code of Conduct.
COD FISH OIL: All persons must pour 5 gallons of premium grade
cod fish oil on themselves and roll in the dirt or brush. Flesh
can then properly commence. Eriko of Jerico is the Shiek of Cod
Oil and shall forever and for all time be the sole and single supplier
of the noxious oil from the glands of Cod Fish. Cod Fish Oil may
be procured from any other. It is so proclaimed. See Eriko for your
THIS IS CAMPING: That means there is plenty of brush to use.
OK, OK: ... yes
MALLARD DUCK RULE: If anyone wakes up and finds two mallard
ducks swimming in their pool, that person is required to bring the
ducks to Gigsville and cook 'em.
WINNING: Shoot to win. Since your time will always run out
and no one is really keeping track of the score your best opportunity
to win will always be by utilitizing the non-subjective absolute
of survival. Survivors will be deemed "Winners" and those
survival will be deemed "Losers". (ie: Oh that felt good.
needed to pee. And look! I survived the urinal. I *win*!)
QUESTION/ANSWER PARITY: It is proclaimed that when asked a question
you may not respond with a question unless the responding question
much more interesting. Questions may not be at interest parity and
escalate in interest until producing an anwser.
7th Amendment) PROHIBITED MANDATORY ACTIVITIES: All activities not
otherwise prohibited are mandatory, and vice versa. This includes
is not limited to the following: kayaking, anal intercourse,
distillation, legos, parsley, whittling, armistice, and groundskeeping.
201) NO NON-STANDARD FONTS: "Dom Casual," in particular,
under no circumstances, ever be tolerated.
313(e): NO FOREIGN AUTHORITIES: If you are going to rely upon
foreign authorities, you must supply copies of them. So, Canadians,
Brits, Floridians, unless you bring your authorities with you,
you're outta luck.
8.3) NO BIZARRE DRESS: All dresses must be fashionable and
tasteful. Nothing trashy or slutty, boys. Questions, comments,
concerns and pleas for assistance should be directed to the
Honorable Weasel E. Boy, Magistrate of Fashion and Glamor. (MFG)
8.7) NO TRAVERSING THE WELL: Why you would even attempt to
traverse a well, hey, that's your business. But be afraid. Be
8.23) NO SHOWING FAMILIARITY WITH WITNESSES: Just cheap
drinks and tawdy sex, nothing more. First name basis only.
REBELS OF GIGSVILLE: There will be a corp of 'individuals' whose
purpose and job will be to oppose the group-think inherent in rules.
Their conformity or lack thereof will be to oppose the overbearing,
opinion subjugating, and down right mean rules. Of course, they
make new rules to suit their needs, but what fun is that?
ENFORCEMENT: The enforcement of the GCOC (the rules) is
the responsibility of everyone.
INSULATING THE SHERIFF: Gigsville will have a Sheriff. The
Sheriff IS. The Sheriff will always be. Be one with the Sheriff.
Sheriff is entrusted with ensuring the villains are following the
laid out in the Gigsville Code Of Conduct (GCOC).
To this end the Sheriff may:
1) Raise a posse.
2) Deputize villains.
3) Create any new rules necessary to bring the villains into compliance.
4) Imprison Robin Hood.
MORALISTIC FENCESITTING: Sitting on the fence between the
moralistic (or lack thereof) standards of GS(asM[pc])P and the Rebel
Scum is hereby declared only permissable if said fencesitters are
wearing pink chicken costumes and those cute googly eyeballs glasses.
And sipping girly drinks through convoluted novelty straws. While
acting out key scenes from Moby Dick. On acid.
ESTABLISHMENT OF MINISTRY OF TONSILS: Tonsil trade within the
borders of Gigsville proper and improper will be overseen by the
Minister of Tonsils (TMT). All trade in Tonsils will require the
Of Sanction (KOS) from the TMT. Diane Keating Sciacca, a.k.a: unshetek,
a.k.a:wolfinblack is hereby pointed with the poking stick Trade
Minister of Tonsils with all the rights and responsilibities recumbent
in that comfortable position.
SCIENTIFIC STANDARDS: In recognition of the necessity of a
common base of units and the perverse lack of interest in the "metric"
and "english" standards that bobble around us now, Gigsville
following standards for use within it's borders.
a. POKING STICK - Poking Stick as the sanctioned unit and device
measurment. i.e: "Is he still alike? Dunno, poke 'em with a
b. BUTTLOAD - The Buttload (Btl) is the measure of quantity. 1 Butt
load is the capacity of JetFuel's truck including flames and
smoke. ie: 8.4 Btl of wood make a BAF.
c. FUCKWAD - The Fuckwad (Fkw) it the measure of quantity of an
unmanagable amount. ie: 1 Fkw of mud on my playa shoes.
d. SNAVELY - The universal unit for conversion between units is
the Snavely (Snv). It is hereby defined as 1 Snv = 5 Snv.
Conversion Table: 1 Snv = 12 Liters 1 Snv = 10 Inchs
1 Snv = 1.44 Pounds 1 Snv = 1.98 KPa
1 Snv = 118.6 Volts 1 Snv = 6.4 Btl
1 Snv = 104.3 Minutes 1 Snv = 38 Newtons
Other conversions can be guessed at.
e. BEER - Beer (B) is a flexible unit of time, mass, virtue, honor,
intelligibility, perceptions, cost and inventory. ie: "How
long will you behere? 'bout 3 beers." "How much does that
cost? About 4 and a half beers" "How technical is the
Shit about 18 beers!"
f. STANDARD QUANTITIES: Slavery = freedom
War = peace
Broccolli = Cauliflower = Kale
ThicknessOfBlood > ThicknessOfWater
TheSumOfTheParts < TheWhole
Me + You + ADogNamedBoo = BadSong
Therm = OffTheDeepEnd
38) FORGETTING WHERE TO SEARCH: Search for things forgotten in other
people and things never known about the self. In community find
not found in the self. In a tornado of positive emotions find a
that will live long after the playa dust has been washed away.
PATRIARCH AND MATRIARCH: The Patriarch and Matriarch of
gigsville will be the most elder man and woman among the villains.
As befitting the position there are a good many rights and
responsibilities that must be adhered to. As the village elders
they are also considered to be the elder statespersons and must
consulted on any international issues.
1. They may park where ever they wish.
2. All lines must defer to our particular wishes at
3. The best of the crops, food, drugs, and alchohol must
be brought forth for our approval. Forcible seizure may
result in any case.
4. Sacrificial virgins must elicit our prior approval by
any means that deemed neccessary.
5. We will have the final say on resolution of disputes in
the event that method A or B is unsuccessful or we don't
agree with the resolution.
6. Peroidic approval of French Kissing techniques will be
required to keep permits in order.
7. All the village children must mind their elders.
8. Worship and sacrifice may be required at any time deemed
1. Figurehead status is bestowed by the mayor upon the
countenance of the elders.
2. Bedtime of 10pm Pacific Standard Time (for the title).
Decorum precludes the the Elder title from carrying on
like a jackass all night.
3. Kindliness, benevolence and generosity lest we learn to
detest our elders. As keepers of the title, the elders
are responsible for maintaining it's good name.
HOJ.5.0) HALL OF JUSTICE: The Gigsville Hall Of Justice, festooned
super-hi-tech crime computers ready for action is the official hang-out
of the Gigsville Heros.
CAVE OF CRIME: The Gigsville Cave-O-Crime, littered with
diabolical devices ready for action is the official hang-out of
20 A3 00) RESERVED WORDS: Gigsville establishes the following list
of reserved key symbols which are designated to have special meaning
within the confines of the community and cannot be interchanged
non-contextual keys or symbols.
List: villain gigsville cheese
goddamnscotch tequilafish bigassfire
999.3) CAPTAIN OF THE CODE OF CONDUCT: Whereas the people of Gig
not be relied upon to remember (or even pay attention to) the piles
rules stacking up in their mailboxes, we hereby declare Captain
sworn nemesis of the Evil Dr. Whoa and defender-of-something-important
-though-i-can't-remember-what, to the Chair of Official Updater
Gigsville Code Of Conduct (GCOC). The GCOC will be maintained "all
DEMONSTRATED UTILITY: All Sport-Utility Vehicles (SUV) must
demostrate utility or they are known in gigsville as Wanker Karts
Sufficient utility is judged in by either absolute entertainment
(as expressed in Snavelys) or acceptable use as a power tool. The
below may be used as a guide:
Surfing 3 Snv
Wood Paneling 1 Snv
Electric Winch 1 Snv
Class 2 Hitch 1 Snv
Class 1 Hitch -no value-
2 Wheel Drive -no value-
4 Wheel Drive -no value-
Hill Climb 1 Snv
No Rear Seats 1 Snv
No Upholstery 5 Snv
Leather Interior --Nearly Always Automatic WK-
360 degree, roof-
mounted turret w/
2 linked lasers? 3.7 Snv
Other values can be guessed at
22-0.1) STATING THE OBVIOUS: Once again, in the quest to state the
those who need the obvious stated we've completely overstated the
Don't be Stupid, be Cool.
1.99) GIGSVILLE IS A PLACE OF LOVE: Those not expressing love will
escorted out by a security representitive.
INDIVIDUAL EXPRESSION IS REQUIRED: Those not expressing themselves
individually will be escorted to one of our education centers to
training on how to best unlock their individuality in an acceptable
NICK NAMES ARE PREFERRED IN GIGSVILLE: If you are unsure of a suitable
nickname for yourself, please see a Gigsville representitive, who
present you with a list of nick names to choose from.
NICKING OF NAMES: Nicknames/playa names/monikers are to be bestowed
upon by the Double Secret Committee on Name Changes and Ficticious
Statements. They are to be an earned reflection on one's traits,
or one really, really fucked-up incident that could never be forgotten.
When an application for name change has been approved, you will
notified. Probably you will be notified by everyone.
GLITTER IS THE PREFERRED ADORNMENT: Those not wearing glitter must
prepared to explain why, and may be escorted out by a Gigsville
DISORDERLY BEHAVIOR IS ENCOURAGED: For tips on suitable disorderly
behavior, see the Gigsville education center.
ENJOYMENT IS MANDATORY: You must have a good time.
UNHAPPINESS IS NOT PERMITTED: Unhappy people will be asked to leave.
# 70-sex) SEX: You can only accidentally post to the list a private
response that refers to specific sexual acts involving both you
person you're corresponding with. The individual parties don't need
be party to the same acts, but at least one sexual act with each
needs to be mentioned in the e-mail. Masturbation is okay. In fact,
you do it right, it's great.
ST. JUDE TRAVEL CLUB:. You must not publicly disclose the secret
charter of the St. Jude Travel Club. I recommend wearing unmatched
socks to demonstrate your loyalty, hopelessness, teen pregnancy,
theatre techniques. The secret charter is this short guy
named "Bill" with dark hair. He charts all day, and he
night, but he does so in complete secrecy.
WORDS MARSHALL: Don't marshall your words to be quotable.
WHO'S A FUCKO: All new rules must be given numbers or other
designation by the rule-maker at the time the rule is made, or said
maker shall be designated a fuck-o and pelted with snack food from
close distance at the earliest possible convenience of the official
enforcement authorities, as determined elsewhere in the rules.
UNUSUALLY BANAL LYRICS: Making fun of the pop band ABBA is
heretofore strictly prohibited on the grounds that doing so is simply
redundant. The same goes for NKOTB and Mike Hammer, but Backstreet
is still open game until the year 2003.
YOU'LL NEVER LEARN: So we'll tell you again. Ugh! Proving once again
Darwin really didn't have the answer, since somehow you've not yet
naturally. Book of Chuck.
CAPTAIN SODIUM IS A FUCKO!!!!!!!: I believe that this premise was
established by our prosecution team as a point of law on Jan. 1,
ipso facto de jure hypno judicata nah nah nah . . . RMO, Esq. :-)
All sacrifices involving new members are to be as pleasurable and
non-lethal as possible (allowing for acts of nature, such as power
improperly congealed Jell-O and cellular disruption). In no cases
sacrifices involve live animals unless approved beforehand by at
members of the Meat Packers Union.
PLURALIZATIONS MUST BE DONE BY PLURAL PEOPLE: No one person shall
utter more than one of the three proper pluralizations procedures:
phrases "_____apodea"; "But they don't have feet";
and "they do now" must be
uttered, submitted to list, etc by three separate sources. (Otherwise,
HappyReb will never get her chance for glory.)
NO CIVILIAN PILOTS: In order to aid the effectiveness of Rule 11,
Villain shall accept a ride from a Civilian pilot. If it can be
don't play with any of their toys that spin, run, breathe fire,
splinters, etc. If any Villain is seen attempting to accept such
a ride, it
is their understanding that they may harbor no feelings of resentment
their fellow Villains when they are jumped, hogtied, and guarded
remainder of their sad little rule breakin lives
GIGSVILLE BARE ASS CODE: Anyone farting while simultaneously
retaining any foreign object in their butt is required to be equipped
with back-up beepers linked to the nerves controlling his or her
sphincter muscles so as to give at least a 3-second warning to anyone
standing in the path of the foreign object or effluvia, or within
fallout area of said insertor's fecal mists. Otherwise it'd
NO PETS: No villains, SINners, or FRoGs are permitted to bring
any dogs or other canines to The Burning Man Festival unless said
are safely housed inside the carcass of an elk or other large herd
The herd animal may be considered kosher unless it's a member of
endangered species, especially if your dogs aren't even Jewish anyway.
HABEUS CORPUS: Any dead people must be dead at the time of
their arrival. if at any time they cease being dead, they may not
to a state of deadfulness until the weekend is over, at which time
are free to become dead in time for the next gigevent.
MANAGEMENT VS CREATIVE: Don't Call Me "Management" Or
I'll Sneak Up Behind You And Get Creative.
BAD BRADISHING OF GUNS: Brandishing of firearms near a
camping/fire area will immediately result in said firearm being
in the brandisher's rusty sheriff's badge and the trigger pulled
make sure it's unloaded."
Sub a43672b16-666 Parts z-a)
CONTRAINDICATED CONTRADICTION: Unless contradicted elsewhere by
individuals incapable of rendering a competent decision all prior
following rules may or may not be deemed null and void or not null
not void but never void and not null or null and not void.
FUCKO PUFFS: Everybody in Gigsville is cuckoo for Fucko Puffs.
I'm cuckoo for Fucko Puffs. And in Gigsville CCEB's* are Fucko Puffs.
*refer to rule: J1) ALL FROG-LEGS MUST BE CONSUMED WITH CHOCOLATE
#1) DOUGHNUTS: Don't do donuts in a pickup until AFTER you've
taken all the stuff out of the bed.
#19) ST. ELMO'S FIRE: March 19th is St. Elmo's Fire Day, a Gigsville
national religious holiday.
DO NOT PASS GO. DO PASS RICO: If you (regardless of your gender)
attend a gathering without your significant other(s) (regardless
gender(s)), then you are obligated to make a pass at Tokyo Rico.
A GOOD TIME FOR PIE: If you do manage to obtain escape velocity
and escape the village, first you must go to your own garage and
pelted by pies. Then you'll truly appreciate the phrase, "Time
1.23) OBLIGATORY CULT ACTIVITY: Members must collect and have
signed at least 70% of the Gig-Cards to be allowed back next year.
those who don't achieve this goal will be forced to form a different
the following year, called Gigsville.
1.24) DESECRATION OF GIG-CARDS: All members who desecrate
Gig-Cards with ink, pencil, blood or any other method of marking
shall not have their membership renewed the following year, and
will be forced to join another group the next year -- possibly one
that is also called Gigsville.
55.3) CONFIDENTIAL - When one is asked the question "who in
group have you ever fantasized about" the answer will always
be "Noosha" .
This rule becomes null and void upon Noosha's death.
RULE 55.3a) NOOSHOWNIAN CORROLARY - F(gravity) = Gm1m2/r^2. This
becomes null and void upon Noosha's death.
Y2k) THAT THING IN THE DESERT: No Villian shall ever refer to that
we will do in the desert over labor day as BM2K--BM2000 or the 2000
even, the first Burn of the new millenium, but under no circumstance
be referred to as BM2k on list or vocally again
PERPETUAL INTOXICATION: All participants are encouraged at all
times to be intoxicated on any and all substances, real or imaginary.
Extra points for being addicted to something that doesn't exist,
giant schlupping sounds.
IT WAS KAHN! HE PUT CRRRREATURES IN OUR BODIES: October 5th as well
as being the birthday of the one known as Eriko will be forever
Gigsville as "Ricardo Montobon Day". By this mandate on
October 5th it
is required that all must recite in thick rich swarthy Ricardo Montoban
accents the mantras "Rich Corrrrithian Leaather" and "Wel-come
Fan-tasy I-land!" Any further amendments to this amendment
be made on October 5th.
THE NAME IS "MONTALBAN", NOT "MONTOBON": Ricardo
was born Nov 25, 1920 in Mexico City. Currently, he is married to
wife Georgiana, and they live in Los Angeles. He has four children,
and six grand children.
GOOD FOR THE DAMN YANKEES: Hey! You! Yankee fuck!
I can send mail to whatever damn list i want, whenever i want,
and in whatever manner i want. And you'll like it too. 'Cuz i'm
Canadian, and i've got more etiquette in my left ear than you've
got in your entire country. So i'm sure i know what's best as
far as these things are concerned.
LANDO CALRISSIAN: The Buddha's gatekeeper only LOOKS like Lando
Calrissian. In order to have audience with the Buddha, one must
overcome the "veil of illusions". The "Lando"
identity is a metaphor
for the veil, to pass him you must invoke his true name - but you
do this -before- he sends you away, for if you wait too long, you're
just shouting "Billy Dee Williams!" at a bunch of your
friends in the
back of your van, and they're only going to think you're nuts. You
end this sentance. And then you will have missed an opportunity
Enlightenment(tm), and they won't sympathize with you at all without
lengthy explanation, they'll just think you're nuts. And sometimes
think maybe they're right.
WOODEN CONTAINMENT: When the fuckos are contained within a
wooded area, they cease to be from Gigsville, and shall for that
duration be known as from Twigsville.
DESECRATED VIEWING PROTOCOL: Upon viewing a desecration
of the word 'Gigsville' into the unseemly and odd word 'Figsville',
patriotic villagers will respond by raising their eyebrows no more
no less that 1/16th of an inch, and uttering the following words:
"Hmmmm. No good will cum of this."
Villagers failing to do this will be seen as unpatriotic and will
subjected to (an apathetic, yet strangely charged) Nothing at All.
PRONOUNCE IT RIGHT: "It's pronounced 'turd'!
POOR OLD TREY - Trey is exempt from ALL rules in the code
of conduct. Including this one.
FUCKO IS: Here's the definition of "Fucko" from the
Whovian unabridged Dictionary of Stuff and Things
------ Fucko n. (pl. 'fuckopodae')
1. A person who adheres to the principles of fuckosity as
perpetrated by the infamous Fucko Decree of 2219. 2. A primate
who squirts its own lactates into the eyes of passers-by for fun
or profit 3. One who engages in irreverant "breaching
experiments" to shock themselves (their sense of boundaries,
ethics, philosophies, sexuality) or shock others. It is believed
by researchers at Cornwallis University that the first fuckos
performed these acts with a subtext of wishing to perform on
themselves and others a kind of psycho-kinetic shock therapy.
These theorists believe that the evolution of human potential may
be enhanced when you push yourself and others through the
psycho-kinetic philosophies of Fuckoism. However, since these
researchers are also being investigated by the Combined
University Ethics Commission, we at the Whovian unabridged
Dictionary of Stuff and Things implore you to not give too much
merit to those Cornwallian dip-sticks. We also implore you to
more regularly brush your teeth. 4. A little known type of
jetpack which failed to achieve commercial success in the 50's
due to the high number of users who shot in random directions
while using the jetpack to never again be seen (hence the old
ironic phrase "I *saw* you being a Fucko over there").
you have anything better to do with your time than read this
stuffy dictionary? For the love of dog, get away from your
computer! Go do something! 6. goto 1.
OCCIPITAL AUTONOMOUS ZONE: "Hey, didja see that?" "Nope"
NIPPLING THE DRUMMER: Matty the Mutator or his proxy
shall have warm nipples thrust and ground against his back
whilst performing on drums, for the explicit purpose of
warding off the chill. For nothing is worse than a cold back
during a Tay show.
RULING THE VILLAINS: The first rule of villians is,
don't define villians the second rule of villians is, Don't Define
Villians the thrid (pronounced: turd) rule of villians is, there
are no rules of villians, except for the Rules of Villians. The
best rule of the villains is that they define themselves.
Cee) THE DANGER GIRL STATUTE: The individual shall always
prevail over the Gigsville collective identity and pressure to
conform to that collective identity.. Personality and individual
identity shall be expressed/created at the discretion of the
individual Villain. All Villains have the right to stick their
finger in their ears and tongue out at each other in defiance of
collective pressure to determine the who the fuck they are and
when the fuck they shall be what they will be.
CHUCK NU-VEAU: In refernce to the fact that no woman can
feel sexy or badass being called Chuck, all females of the Gig
persuasion are to be known as NU until such time as another name
can be found (in instances where there are more than one newbie
girl, they shall take NuA; NuB, and so on
DAMN LANDLORDS: Landlords have no business anywhere near
a villian recovering in ICU or any type of Infirmary Unit. Can
you belive this acutally has to be stated? Poke 'em in the eye
if you see 'em.
MAKING SENSE OF THE WORLD: Why does the world make no damn
sense at all? Huh? Shit! I make sense ~some~ of the damn time.
Everything is now required to make sense ~some~ of the damn time
so I don't have to make all the sense my own damn self. Weird is
good, but there's got to be limits!
B4) PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY: When confronted with a situation/
scenario/event or other happenning; pile of shit/stuff/kipple/crap;
behaviour/bearing/attitude/appearance for which one might possibly
be held responsible, the correct answer is ALWAYS: "But it's
MR WINKLE'S RULE: The name or likeness of "Mr. Winkle"
shall never appear in the GCOC. Oopsies. All punitive metaphorical
smokings need must occur within the symbolic realm of the Yurt of
Wolfie. Any punitive metaphorical smokings NOT occuring in the
metaphorical Yurt was decreed by three of the former "washhogs"
to be simply unfit for self-respecting consumers of whimsical
punishment. Robert Hegyes says of non-Yurt smokings: 'It made me
cough too much. My eyes got all watery!' And Ron Palillo whispered,
'Uncool. So fucking uncool, dude!'And of the Yurt? John Travaolta
shared the following: 'It made me shake my hips with joy!'
THERE'S NO EXPLAINING JOSHUA: Joshua, at any time can be an
asshole to anyone he wants. The person(s) at the end of his poking
stick(tm) shall accept his evil demonstrations without having to
told why. Joshua at no time shall have to explain his reasons for
being cruel, mean, unhappy, angry, upset, ugly, or drunk.
SRPaJ001) SUNRISE PROTOCOL ADMENTMENT - JOSHUA: The Sun wil
now rise in the West if at any time Joshua stops being cruel, mean,
unhappy, angry, upset, ugly, or drunk.
SPELLIN' FER LYNYRD SKYNYRD: Yer favrit rawk groop iz speld
LYNYRD SKYNYRD. Taint Lynard Skynard er Leonard Skinnerd er nuttin
lahk thayat sheeit. Sew git eet raht alriddy! Jayzus!
BELLYBUTTON LINT - Some people actually like to examine
the lint in their belly button about every once in a while. That's
ok but it's all about what Jimbo said.
FAMEOUS PHRASES FOR $800 - "Kuss E'maq Con Queso, Simka"
means "Kiss Your Mother's Cunt, With Cheese, Bitch". Please
that this can (and should, frequently) be sung to the tune of "It's
a Small World, After All" Translation available upon request,
submitted in fornicate, to the appropriate parties. Unemployment
parties are especially appropriate.
YOU WIN! - Gigsville recognizes as an important religious
entity from Greek Mythology the God Tentacles (Ten-Tah-Kl-E-z) whose
power upon Mt. Olympus was Anti-Competitiveness: to end Conflict,
Disputes and Competitions through magic. Invoking the power of
Tentacles is in effect declaring everyone the winner.
Anti-Competitiveness, not be confused with non-competitiveness or
just plain hostility is the squashing of the quest for the prize
where as non-competitiveness is just plain not caring about the
and hostility has nothing to do with prizes so if you think there's
prize you're probably wrong.
HEISNERS LAW OF PROBABLY - Back in 'the day' when
relativity was a relatively new thing there were 2 great scientists
who were thinking quite hard about all manner of things, Heisenberg
and Heisner. Heisenberg came up with the Uncertainty Principal which
sort of says that a lot of things are sort of true until you check.
Heisner not to be outdone postulated his Law of Probably, which
that Everything is Probably True except Heisenberg who is Probably
Heisenberg won a thumb wrestling match against Heisner at a physics
conference and thus this Law became a footnote to history. But it's
important because it's
OCELOT OCELATION - How do you titillate an ocelot?
Ocillate its tit a lot
WHIP ME, BEAT ME, TEACH ME LOVE - When the stripper
slaps/spanks her own ass, all in attendance must drink.
THREE CHEERS - How to type a "Bronx Cheer" aka "The
Good Ol' Raspberry".
Place your left middle finger on the "T" key.
Place your left index finger on the "B" key.
Place your right index finger on the "L" key.
Place your right middle finger on the "P" key.
If you're right handed, merely wiggle your fingers, and they'll
naturally spell out the most effective "Razzing" known
If you're left handed, well, all I can say to you is
(Special thanks to the guy that wrote Bloom County. )
BURNING THE MAN EARLY.
Burning the man early is "chocolate coated". This is a
for one of those things that sounds much cooler in discussion than
in practice. The term originated with Chocolate coated ice-cream
but in reality, most things coated with chocolate simply aren't
enjoyable to actually eat as you might think when you hear or read
about them. Burning the man early is great fun to talk about, but
nothing to actually do.
GLOBALWARMING - There is good ice and bad ice. It is therefore
imperative that Ice Melters be equipped at Burning Man. Villains
on the lookout - if you see even a random "scout" block
of ice on the
playa, melt it. It's only collecting information about us so that
whole glacier can strike when we least expect it. Don't trust the
mallards or the playa glaciers they are both agents of Jeff Bezos.
BLUBBLUB - Blub blub is when you get a friend REALLY drunk, and
feed him some seltzer so he's farting a lot, then you take his lousy
drunk ass down to the lake and lean him along a boat ramp just until
his ass is under water. It helps if you pull his pants down. Then
give him a beer and as he drinks it, he farts, and the bubbles come
making a little "blub blub blub" noise. You just have
to be careful
that you don't accidentally step on his head and then push him underwater,
otherwise you'll have to drag him out, clean him up, and then light
giant fire inside him while naked people stand around taking drugs.
Believe me, it can happen.
FUCKING - yes. All fucking must be done on a stage for our
enjoyment and critique. Your score sheets may be picked up after
event. Extra points are given for extreme atheletcism and the
incorporation of fire. Volume earns you points, but content is more
important than volume. So screaming "Aaahhhhwwwwwhuh!"
is good, but
screaming "Oh my god! Superman, do my ass hard with your steel
you fucking amazing caped superhero!!! Pretend I'm Lex Luthor!!!!!!"
right as you orgasm will be maximum points. Nobody will be awarding
prizes at the end of the weekend.
REMITTANCE POLICY - We do not bill. Please pay on time.
FOOLISHNESS - Don't fool yourself into thinking Gigsville exists
recognize it as merely a shorthand for those aspects of it that
LEASH, MUZZLE, AND TENT ORDINANCE. Okay, here's a common
misunderstanding with both human, animal, and multi-species "orgies".
so often hear about orgies, and may think we've witnessed or
participated in one ourselves. Sometimes, we're right, but mostly,
this day and age, we're wrong. As the California Grape Commission
famously declared after the dismal failure of that "dancing
bullshit: "Without the grapes it's just group sex."
ONE TRUE FAITH - Demons everywhere... they're out to get me...
it's all a plot by those jews, arabs, americans, canadians, catholics,
protestants, satanists (or other enemy of your choice) Religion?
Trip? Is there a difference?
THE SHITTY STCUTURE RULE - (acid tested by the Judge)
REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU MAY THINK - YOU DID NOT BUILD IT STONG ENOUGH,
STURDY ENOUGH, OR STABLE ENOUGH TO SURVIVE ON THE PLAYA. It will
to be twice as strong/sturdy/stable as you think and this still
not be enough. If it won't stand up in an A-bomb blast don't even
it. (Listen to the advice of your friends.)
24.725) IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS - Any and all important documents
involved in any official Gigsville/SINdicate business must be soaked
booze in order to make them superflammable for when they must inevitably
24.725-MS) IMPORTANT PARTICIPANTS - Any and all important
<participants> involved in any official Gigsville/SINdicate
must be soaked in booze in order to make them superflammable for
they must inevitably be destroyed.
CARNIVORSITY - Your liver will get eaten by someone.
It's a trueism. Joan of Arc get's first dibs.
KNOWLEDGE & SHARING - Gigsville hereby institutes the
Gigsville Department of Oversharing. Please submit ZERO copies (~not~
trip-lick-it, or four-ni-cate) of your explicit sexual/digestive
to this department. We will psychicly determine what portion of
other people would like to hear and pass that on. NEVER submit any
of your story in any form oral/written/cinema/cheese sculpture/etc.
WEASELS, BABIES & SPACE - Babies came from somewhere Between
Lover and Enlightenment... So as I read it. Babies come from Gigsville,
or since babies also seem to come from space then that means that
is in space. And since babies are also said to come from your belly
then your belly button must be space. So those space weasels must
actually been babies and came out of your belly button. In other
Gigsvillian belly button weasels. Now that we have them localized
identified it should be easy to trap a few and examine them in detail.
Though I have never heard of packs of babies running in the desert
trying to eat people... My head hurts.
#38) INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW - Disclosure is compulsary when
mysterious hints are dropped. Dropping a hint is permissable, however,
failure to disclose the details, context and otherwise fill in mental
blanks on your mysterious hint are not permissable. Failure to tell
all is grounds for a trip to the mall where you will be forced to
in the food court and listen to the inane details of other peoples
THE BLM THEME - WOW - I love that song... How does it go
again? Oh yeah:
watching us through binoculars
They're watching us through binoculars
They're watching us through binoculars to see if we're on drugs
They're trying to see if we're getting high
or who's on the hood screwing TMI
or to tell if Mutech is really a guy
They're watching us through binoculars
They're watching us through binoculars
They're watching us through binoculars to see if we're on drugs"
RULE) SAFETY 1/3 (or SAFETY IS THIRD) -
The FIRST consideration is always Jackassery (tm) and Fun (tm).
period. end of discussion.
This may include any number of activities including, but not limited
continuing to push buttons long after there is no effect, taunting
others, setting things on fire, sticking things together that usually
are not, secretly altering events so that Nobody is aware, poking
with a Poking Stick(tm), recreational sports, non-recreational sports...
The SECOND consideration is all OTHER considerations, such as, but
limited to: gaining obtainium, construction, planning, getting beer
order to do said planning, creating a list for planning, creating
another) list for talking amongst ourselves that has nothing to
The THIRD consideration then, and only then, will be Safety.
All Equipment for Safety should be reviewed in a Safety Meeting.
period. Make of that what you will.
THE BIG ASS FIRE - When referring to a Big Ass(ed) Fire when in
the context of electronic or verbal communications. The written
abbreviation shall *always* be in capitol letters, or spoken as
TRASH FIRE ON THE BEACH - LA Beach Burn BAF construction.
Fires at LA Beach Burns should be a BAF. In order to be classified
BAF, the concrete fire ring must not bee seen under all the components
of a BAF (i.e. wood, burnables, accelerants, embers,
ashes & etc)
DEFINITIVE BIG ASS FIRE - a fire, in order to be classified as
a BAF must either be 50% greater in diameter or 75% greater in height
than would be considered reasonable according to prevailing laws,
directions, or safety precautions.
JUST PLAIN WRONG - A fire cannot be considered a BAF if there
is any unburned wood, burnables, magnesium, or accelerants remaining
outside the confines of the fire.
WE'RE RIGHT - THEY'RE WRONG - In an effort to more accurately
define ourselves, regardless of the common vocabulary of our culture,
definitions of the word "cute" in our Webster dictionaries
replaced with the following:
adj. cutáer, cutáest
attractive or pretty especially in a dainty or delicate way
sexy; as in hot damn sexy
obviously contrived to charm; precious:
WE'RE NOT LEAVING - It is hearby decreed that the last to
leave any Gigsville gathering at any public venue may not actually
until such a time as 'requested' to by the proper authorities. If
becomes necessary to summon proper authorities by judicious use
explosives, fog horns, mega-phones, air cannons, ship cannons, flame
throwers, flaming bunnies, or any other items, persons, or beasts
Ocelots (see Rule # 1)) then this is sanctioned but only as long
other GCOC rules and regulations are followed. Making anonymous
to the authorities complaining about the 'freaks' is NOT sanctioned.
Violators will be known hence forth as "party poopers"
GODS CODE - Concerning gods at El Mirage. As you may very well be
aware, we have had issues with dieties at El Mirage, and frankly
interventions. Some minor dieties are nothing short of common nuiscances,
what with their feeble manifestations, their blinking lights, and
tossings about of various projectiles. In light of this fact, the
following dieties will *not* be worshipped, or displayed in idols,
even referred to (in vain, in ecstacy, or in passing) during this
* Mephistopheles. That guy's a bad apple. Remember that stuff on
toilet that 1/2 dome had to clean up? That was Mephistopheles'
fault. The bugger! No more "Oh, how I wish Mephistopheles was
or chantings of "Oh Great Mephisto [an also unaccepted reference
to that foul creep of an entity], how I wish you were here to amuse
us with your ass-shaking antics and Dennis Hopper impersonations!"
* Felix the cat. Certainly *not* a wonderful cat, that Felix character
(recently added to the official poll of dieties by the official
British census) has been known to have a posse of space weasles
tow with him! And Felix has also been known to make poor
gigsvillites stub their toes on re-bar. That bastard cat.
* Gary Coleman. Need I say more? He's not even a diety, but he is
* Hecate. How she made me shiver when she manifested herself on
toothbrush that time. Stop it Hecate! You make my gums tickle!
* Guy LaFleur. Yeah, he used to be a god on the ice, but now he's
another sadass Viagra seller. And we certainly won't need him and
his Viagra-peddling ways out there.
HYPE - Radical Self Expression is not equal to Radical Self
Promotion. Control your hype or risk being treated like the dumbass
REMEMBER YOUR UNDERPANTS -
Remember: you read it here first.
Remember: only you can stop yourself from peeing on your feet.
Remember: don't worry about what I wrote up there if the peeing
you're doing is to try to stop forest fires. Just try to get more
on the actual fire part.
900357(gi) MEMBERS ONLY - Effective 3-5-02, membership in our
little club is contingent strictly upon posession of one (1) G.I.
to be carried at all times and presentable on demand to a Secret
of Gigsville, (SMOG) or designated deputy.
900357(gim) MOE AND JOE ARE FRIENDS - G. I. Moe is just as good
not better than G. I. Joe. So you can have a moe and still be part
the "in" crowd.
SPLINTERS -Gigsville-the place where any topic inheranlty becomes
version of its original foundation, generally ending in a commentary
something or someone competely unrelated and entirley ancilliary
concept at hand.
OOPS (GIGSVILLE POSITIONING SYSTEM) - Fight The OOPS shall apply
to rural territories newly annexed into Gigsville until generally
within our community. Established sites (Black Rock City, El Mirage)
FIND YOUR OWN WAY - Heinleinean Committees
a Written OOPS directions shall be composed by Committee, which
Heinlein defines as a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
b Life forms for Committee purposes shall include humans and other
creatures with language capabilities (dolphins, sign language proficient
apes, intelligent aliens, and Canadians). A dog is not a life form.
DONT HOLD YOUR BREATH - Signage
a The Committee shall be responsible for signage if the OOPS site
not visible from a paved road.
b A sign or symbol recognized within Gigsville shall be visible
the paved road at the turnoff point. A colored ribbon will accompany
Person providing the ribbon and markings will be designated Pork
c Ribbons of the same color shall appear at intersections and turns
on the dirt road, and at half mile intervals along straight paths.
be easier to see these ribbons if you've injested sacred spirits.
d If none of the above are done, then this is an adventure not a
the mall. You will have packed food and water and wood and scotch
where you end up is, of course, where you were going.
e And that's why you should have a map.
3-DIFFERENT-1s) PORK GREETER - The Pork Greeter is the person responsible
putting many and varied indications of our camp sites so as to make
it a simple
matter for The Man to find us and spoil our good time. The Pork
spend their time, as necessary, in detention or explaining to the
Greeters are not generally welcome.
SUCKS TO BE YOU - In all cases you must prepare yourself. This includes
verifying maps, directions and locations. If you arrive at night
and get lost
without a map, you can weep for yourself but that probably won't
FINE! PRINT - Dogs may not be allowed to write or edit any maps
directions to Gigsville events - especially if the dog is bananas.
will be driven out to unmarked spots in the desert and subjected
to six hours
of twilight zone re-runs and/or hit in the head with a meteorite.
MAPS) USE IT - If you're given a map, use it.
DUCK AND COVER - The Duck Exchange Policy.
Nobody damn well better not swap the ducks.
GOD LOVES DOERS - Gigsville Volunteer Corps
If you want to be a volunteer, you can be a
- clown fetishist
- nostril looker-at-er
- turdburglar (the stinkiest job in whoaville)
- member of the Tunameltflambe kitchen - where everything is
served on fire!
- earwig analyst
- breakdancing border patrol
- elevator shoe-wearing pistolerro
- member of the department of misinformation (all signs must
- the lucky person who gets to dress up like a bear all day,
occasionally twitching and whimpering "the ants have crawled
up my ear now..."
Art. XXXVII) DON'T SPILL IT - We chastise, most harshly, those who
waste perfectly good liquor and other intoxicants.
MASCOT - The official mascot of Gigsville is the Beaten Dead Horse.
CEREMONIAL BEVERAGE - Romulan ale will not be served at official
diplomatic functions. Trader Joe's Vanilla Creme Soda mixed with
Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum will be substituted.
FERAL ASSERTIONS - Wild Assertions have been extinct for many years.
Their ecological niche has been taken over by escaped Domestic Standard
which have, in subsequent years gone feral. Feral Assertions are
they're young but grow up to be hideous monsters. Don't let Feral
follow you homne from any party, camp out, convenience store, work
used car dealership.
A) THE CODE IS EVERYWHERE - Where is the code of conduct?
I feel the code of conduct is inside us all; It's in the petals
flowers blooming in the spring; It's in the sound of the breeze
a field of bamboo, the roar of the ocean waves crashing into the
gentle trickle of a mountain stream; It's in the mouth of a young
he first looks at the sky and asks "why?"; It's in the
eyes of a mother
gazing at her newborn infant; It's in the spirit of the frontiersmen
toiled to settle the wilderness in order for their familes to have
THE GREAT CAMERA DEBATE, HUGS & SMOOCHIES, NOW FUCK OFF 2002
The Opening Day on the Season for the Great Camera Debate will be
than July 15 of any given year and will be rapped upped no later
October 15 of any given year, so that we may have ample time to
the holidays and other, different jackassery. Anyone wanting or
needing to go
over the issue while it is not in season will be given links to
years discussions, where they can quietly read up on the issues
bothering the list with it.
1A) KEVISSIMO - IF we know your camera before we know your name,
then ya may want to spend some more time becoming part of the fabric...
Hopefully everyone will be sensitive enough to know what the healthy
boundaries are...but sometimes this doesn't happen and that's why
horse is getting flatter by the post...An instance last year involved
who only asked to shoot someone when they were naked. Totally fukkin
This was for who's benefit? It still gives me the creeps.
RADICAL SELF AUTHORITY - If it's impossible, what tight ass decided
there needed to be a "rule" to "prohibit" it?
Someone who wants to be
IN CHARGE. It's not helpful, it's just being a dick. Helpful is
of the way.
... out there
Someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another
In that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
If helps to think we're sleeping
Underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there
If love can see us through
Then we'll be together
Somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
#9) ADDENDUM-DE-DUM-DE-DUM -
When Jean Chretien, or any other serving Prime Minister of Canada,
appears on list, he must prove his mettle and verve by engaging
no-moves-barred Break Dance Fight with Whoa. Should Whoa be
uninterested, unwilling, in his stead Whoa gives Therm the authority
be the Gigsvillainic Break Dance Defender. Should Therm be uninterested
or unwilling, Jean Chretien, or other acting PM, will be pointed
nearest scarecrow and told to engage in a game of Paper Scissor
The resulting hi-jinx will be duly recorded and later sold to CBC.
profits from such tranactions will go towards buying wood for the
Car-B-Q. And / or Star Trek costumes for the homeless.
BURNOUT! - If, in the course of a gathering of villains in the
"great outdoors", our friend "Mother Nature"
fails to challenge us a
dequately, it is the responsibility one or more of the aforementioned
villains to create more extreme conditions, e.g. dust storms, with
use of their own supplies and ingenuity, e.g. burnouts strategically
completed, taking into consideration the wind velocity and direction
and current eating behavior of persons to be challenged (in order
maximize the hardship among the members of the group)
EVERYTHING GOES BETTER WITH A FUCK - Fuck is the preferred
modifier for the english language. Here is a short list of some
popular usages: Fuck-Wit, Fuckin-A, Fuckin Good, Fuck-o, Fuck-off,
Fuck-head, Fuckin Great, Fuckin Sandwich, Fuckin Fuck.
NUMBER TWO) POOPIE HEAD - Eno is a poopiehead.
YOU'RE OUT - The consensus in the scientific community is
that the best treatment for a first degree burn is for the nearest
villain (or villains) to rip off his (or her) shirt (or shirts)
providing the victim with immediate exposure to 'tatas' accompanied
by Betty Boop-esque vocalizations. Tatas should be swinging or bouncing
for maximum therapeutic benefit but any tatas will do in a pinch.
any pinch will do for a tata. Foreign accents optional.
Ocelot reinstatement will be considered under these circumstances.
NO OCELOTS - NO DAMNED OCELOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You let them in, then you have to let Lorne Greene in, and Erkel,
soon thereafter SOdium'll be walking around with a video camera,
Trey will constantly sing "I'm a Fucking Fucko!" and Nick
clothes all the time, and girlie'll become a pro surfer.
Some things you jsut can't afford to fuck with...
SO NO FUCKING OCELOTS!! And no ocelots either, for that matter....
SMOKE DADDY'S RULE - Three thing over rated on the Playa,
food, clothes and sleep. (and limes, er... no that's thrown over-hand)
If you are intent on forming a lobbying group, you first will have
to build a Lobby to hold them. Might I suggest something with at
least 12' high ceilings with Casablanca style fans. Tasteful - but
not to dark for the climate - wood finishes for the walls, perhaps
with brass fittings and handles. Hard wood floors with numerous
plush throw rugs, and really comfy chairs. Perhaps a sturdy bar
off in one corner, complete with pool table, drafting table, Hitler
taget dart board and PBR on tap. Ohh- and some plants, preferably
potted Ferns and a few Ficus. You'll be gald that you did - especially
the comfy chairs.
GigsVille without FIRE is not possible, so the universe will promptly
end shortly after the fire trucks arrive. Remember this the next
time there is a party at someones house.
TreyGoesh is exempt from all rules in the CodeOfConduct, including
REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU MAY THINK - YOU DID NOT BUILD IT STONG ENOUGH,
STURDY ENOUGH, OR STABLE ENOUGH TO SURVIVE ON THE PLAYA. It will
need to be twice as strong/sturdy/stable as you think and this still
may not be enough. If it won't stand up in an A-bomb blast don't
even bring it. (Listen to the advice of your friends, especially
if you're the Judge.)
boom! sha bam! son of a bitch, goddamn!
fuck 'em! fight 'em! dynamite'em!
yeah shit! rat shit! bat shit! suck a witch's tit!
cocksucker!motherfucker! eat a bag of shit!
we're the only gigsville! all the others suck!
gigsville! gigsville! yeah rah fuck!
# Monday Morning) Milk Cartons Are Evil: Milk Cartons are always
evil but especially so on monday mornings. If in fact the Temple
of Joy has burned the night before, Milk Cartons ARE OUT TO GET
YOU. Do NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to crush them by jumping
on them. They will break you. In the event that you encounter a
Milk Carton, just walk away and it will perhaps spare your life.
From now on the term "whaterver" shall be changed to "mashed
because I like "mashed potatoes" better than the boring
Mashed potatoes you like dear.
Not going to Burning Man, mashed potatoes.
official process of nomination for the post of Gigsville mayor:
(visio flow-chart to follow):
the name of each likely (and unlikely) candidate is painstakingly
tattooed onto the back of a live shaven feral weasel (ocellots may
not be substituted). Then one Beaten Dead Horse is chosen from the
list and hauled out to an undisclosed location in the desert where
it is beaten some more by Kevissimo and Eno. The weasels are then
doused in a solution of three parts gasoline, one part Goddamn Scotch,
and one part black light active phosphorescent paint (makes them
easier to spot in the dark), and thrown into the BAF at midnight
on the first night of Decompression. Shady drinks the last of the
scotch, Rusty magically shows up with more wood, and a good time
is generally had by all. At dawn the weasel carcass which wound
up closest to the Horse is examined by Girlie and anyone else who
hasn't been to bed yet and the name new mayor is announced to anyone
who happens to be listening.
the event that the carcass is illegible everyone forgets about it
until early next year when the subject comes up again on the list...
Any Newly Encountered Foreign Object:
Can it be made to explode?
Is it on fire?
Can it be set on fire?
Is it ticking?
Does it move?
Does it make loud noises?
Does it emit light?
Can it be eaten?
If the answer is no to all of the above, it is a paperweight. Otherwise
it is perfectly safe object for destruction.
When faced with uncertainty or doubt about your course of actions
at a GigsVille event, it will behoove you to ask yourself: "What
The Fuck Would JetFuel Do?", and then behave accordingly.
you will, of course, be responsible for the negative consequences
of your actions, and humble about the positive ones, just like JetFuel.
If you do something because you want to, then it doesn't matter
what the response is.
you do it for approval, you're screwed.
While feeling lucky, fuzzy or toastie may be a good idea, it's probably
best to get their permission first.
will always get lost on the way to Somewhere. This is Ok.
In a world which thinks journeys of value follow maps of ease should
go Somewhere Else.
Somewhere Else by definition sucks weasels.
Grip the wheel, ignore the voices, set your dark little heart on
the vision of Big Ass Fires, Fuckos and Scotch
you find yourself lost
will know you are Somewhere when you say, "I'm here."
throw bottles at Joshua.
Therm is away all must toast "To Funny" in his absence
at least once at every gathering.
cute dammint, so just do it and quit bitching.
unit of Fuckos is called a Snaggley.
This is the safest place to be and not to be confused with a Snavely
which is something altogether different.
those needing further clarification:
Snagglet: A group of Fuckos numbering 6 or under. This is a cozy
number, perfect for groups of 6 or under.
Proper Snaggley: 11+ Fuckos. Why not 10 you ask? Because it's always
better to have one more Fucko who can go get beer. This should not
be attempted. Lone Fuckos are easy prey to any minor distraction
that may cross their path and rarely return. See Buzz
GRAND SNAGGLEY: 101+ Fuckos. Now, we're talkin.
numbers cresting 201, if anyone is bothering to count by then, the
Snaggley shall be qualified simply for the sake of the drunk as
a DOUBLE GRAND SNAGGLEY, TRIPLE GRAND SNAGGLEY etc. Above this things
are getting into some serious Fuckoism, tricky pronunciation and
should only be attempted by professional amateurs.
for some reason Gigworld Domination begins to take root and the
number of Fuckos crests 1001 this unweildy beast shall be called
an IMPERIAL GRAND UBER-SNAGGLEY and everyone still able to speak
and/or move shall jump up and down and scream "We eat peas!"
should not be attempted.
Fuckos on the Playa don't come back. This is not a rule, this is
a fact of life. Fuckos are an irresponsible lot and by no means
should be left to their own devices. I don't care if they swear
they are "coming right back." They don't. Hence when a
Fucko voluntarily wishes to leave the Snaggley for some pertinent
mission they must take with them a "Buzz Buddy" Irresponsibility
in pairs at least ensures a higher measure of Fucko return.
Fuckos must bring Playa supplies/toys for the Snaggley.
Unless they are going to the porta-johns, in which case they may
return, preferably, empty handed.
and Giggles are under no circumstances permitted to be Buzz Buddies.
Surprise is the new sorry.
Never bring a knife to a Tigger fight.
This should be in the code
I have read the Code and I hearby....
-- OR --fuck you in
all y'all and your stupid ocelot's...back to